For 25 years I have had a routine of starting a normal day with God. I do the usual stuff - prayer, Bible reading, some kind of book on spiritual life, maybe some journaling. After that most days go better. But it is in the evenings of normal days when I ignore God.
I’ve been trying to change that. During our Gathering for European ministers (last year in Assisi) we have an evening prayer and then enter a silence without phones or TVs or devices. It was an entirely different experience for me to end the day and wind down with God and his purposes on my mind and even in my body. I could process the day better and even sleep better. I’ve been trying to introduce something similar into my normal days at home. Because one of the features of a retreat is: it is not normal.
I’ve been reading the Letters of Francis Fénelon (16th-17th century spiritual director). He wrote a letter to a lady whose high position in life meant that she had to be present at all sorts of pointless entertainments and gatherings. She was trying to find space for God. Fénelon recommended regular reading and prayer (as I do) but suggested both morning and evening. He wrote:
I say morning and evening, because just as the body requires regular support, so does the soul, to save it from becoming exhausted through constant contact with the world.
It is an old idea, having an evening routine. Perhaps you seen an old movie in which a character told someone to “say their prayers” before bed and of the child, usually, kneeling at their bedside. It’s old, I just don’t do it.
Until now. I’ve been trying to find a new ways to end a normal day. In the past I tried to suck as much activity out of the final hours of the day as I could. I may not have been working per se but I may have relaxing, that is, seeking ever more entertainment and diversions for my weary mind. Usually on some screen, maybe with some alcohol. And then falling into bed at the last second out of total exhaustion.
But I’m trying different things now. Things that help me unplug, not only from work but also from stimulating entertainment and fun. I’ve been reading literature in bed (beautiful stuff, nothing suspenseful). I’m trying to take more walks at night. Even better, I’ve tried to sit for 30 minutes in a chair and do some devotional reading and prayer like Fénelon suggests. I’m learning it doesn’t have to be long. A five-minute walk can accomplish a lot for a prayerful day’s end.
I can’t say prayer comes naturally at that time of the day. But there are prayers appropriate for every time of a normal day. Sometimes a written prayer works best when you’re tired. Like a psalm.
The point is, I need help. I need to find a non-retreat way to end a non-retreat day. As wonderful as it is to pray with others and return to the silence and solitude of one’s room every night without anything to do, that’s not normal. But ending the day with God, that’s normal. Or could be.