This month’s moment is by Sanda Tomuletiu, a teacher, writer and retreat leader in Romania.
For some time now I’ve been living with a question: What does it mean to live with God?
One area of my life where I’ve taken this question is driving in city traffic, which I find life-draining. What does it mean to live with God when I’m behind the wheel?
My natural inclination towards impatience and my strong sense of right and wrong create the perfect conditions for slow, rude and reckless drivers to trigger frustration and self-righteous anger in me. But I don’t like my reactive, self-righteous self! I want to be like Jesus, gentle and humble and generous…
During my training in spiritual direction, one assignment was an eight-hour silent retreat. Having a trip coming up that required seven to eight hours of driving, I asked my supervisor if I could take the retreat while driving to my destination. (My creative self overdid it this time.) Naturally, he didn’t think that was a good idea. My inquiry, though, led to an epiphany that continues to bear fruit in my life to this day: Road time = Retreat time. What if, from now on, I would consider my time behind the wheel as retreat time?
So I did. Before I would start the engine to drive anywhere, I would remind myself of my new ‘rule’: Road time is Retreat time. Whenever I remember my rule (I am yet to create a physical reminder), my experience of city driving is radically transformed! The focus of my attention shifts from drivers’ behavior to God’s presence with me. Instead of reacting to the triggers, I remember my holy task: carrying God’s peace-and-grace-filled presence into the ego-driven traffic. God reminds me that the agitated city roads need His calming presence… and so does my soul. As I’m moving slowly and kindly among hurried drivers, I smile at the thought that God’s gentle, humble and generous heart is being shaped in me. I think He’s smiling too…